Grief on Holidays

Musing About Grief on Holidays

Grief is a powerful emotion – and all the time I’ve been on this Earth, I’ve seen it really wreck some families. What’s more, I’ve seen an uptick in grief, mental health issues, and depression that cripples many in the trades. There are many reasons why this is, but that is an article for another time. For this Musing, though, I thought I’d touch on dealing with grief during holidays – something all of us face at some point.

You can check out any of the other Musings about this subject by clicking any of the links below:

I Wish I Had One More Day

Regret – The Unsuspecting Aspect of Grief

Grief – The Great Equalizer

Oh, and if you are new here, I’ll provide some context. Today, April 8th (when this article was initially published), would have been my son’s 25th birthday. It is almost 6 months to the day since he departed this world – and while it isn’t our first holiday without him, it IS the first birthday without him.

Holidays Will Still Happen

Holidays do not go away – even if the joy in them has

Psychology Today reports that at least 35% of people do not look forward to some holiday due to the loss of a loved one. Perhaps you are one of those 35%. For what it’s worth, I can certainly understand why. When my son first passed away (November 9th, 2024), Thanksgiving and Christmas were just around the corner – AND they happen to be my favorite holidays, too. Actually, November and December are my favorite months, packed with holidays, family birthdays, and colder weather.

But for 2024, they were melancholy. Hanging over that which I enjoy was the realization I had lost someone precious to me. Someone irreplaceable. Someone who I’ll never see again in this life.

But those holidays – the ones I enjoy – WILL still happen. I’ll see them again. And so will you – experience holidays without loved ones, that is – in time. Grief – The Great Equalizer discusses this truth further.

Facing this realization – that while our loved ones may be gone, the holidays still happen, is our first step.

Face the Void – But Don’t Dwell There

The void of Grief is like a black hole – nothing escapes

Yes, our loved ones are gone, and yes, the holidays are still going to happen, so face the void head-on.

That’s right. We cannot solve a problem we are unwilling to admit exists. What we have is a problem. We cannot run from it – we must face it, shoulders back, standing up straight, ready for it.

Unfortunately, most people – at least the 35% mentioned earlier and likely many more – go beyond facing the holiday and dwell there in grief. It cripples them, removing joy and prohibiting strength. What’s more, this grief is viral and spreads to others.

Misery loves company, after all.

Instead of focusing on our misery, grief, and loss, I believe we should change our perspective and approach. What does that look like?

Shifting Focus to What We Have

Often, many of us have other loved ones we should be dwelling on instead, helping us get through these days that remind us of loss. And yet, many who are deep in grief only focus on what they’ve lost, often at the expense of others. Shifting focus from those you’ve lost to those you still have is a powerful weapon in your arsenal – IF you will wield it.

That is precisely what I have and do – and I hope you do, too.

I understand the nature of grief – but not depression. It’s possible some confuse the two, and it’s also possible grief can turn into depression down the line. If that is you, then this Musing is very inadequate. If, however, you are like millions across this country and are in the midst of grief, loss, and holidays, take note, and I hope you find your way.

Remember, I am in this awful club (parents who’ve lost their children), and I’m in the trenches also – I’m speaking from experience here.

And the holiday I’m speaking about? His birthday – which is important to me.

May you find your way navigating through grief, and if you cannot view holidays the same way, perhaps they can at least become more bearable.