Leadership and Emotional Intelligence

 

 

The Leadership Series

 

 

What is Emotional Intelligence?

 

Emotional Intelligence – the ability to regulate yourself and relate to others has grown as a leadership disciplinary focus since 1990. An unrivaled quality – and 2nd of The 4 Indispensable Qualities of a Leader – has significant importance when it comes to one of the most frustrating but important aspects of leadership: people.

You see, one of the most significant shifts in HR departments over the past century has been to dehumanize the work environment via processes. People, it seems, are a liability, and, while processes can be managed, they cannot.

The results have been stark.

Leadership has dwindled in almost every facet of work, and with increased diversification, work has become even more complicated. We’ve never needed leadership – and emotional intelligence – more than today.

 

NOTE: This article is part 6 of a series on Leadership here at The Wealthy Ironworker

1. Leadership, Management, and The Skilled Trades
2. The 4 Indispensable Qualities of a Leader
3. Leadership and The Task-Oriented Trades
4. Situational Leadership and the Skilled Trades
5. Leadership and The Art of Intentionality
   1. Skills Developed From The Art of Intentionality
6. Leadership and Emotional Intelligence
   1. Skills Developed From Emotional Intelligence
7. Leadership and Humility
   1. Skills Developed From Humility
8. Leadership and Listening to Understand and Not to Respond
   1. Skills Developed From Listening to Understand and Not to Respond
9. Skills Developed Overall in the Leadership Process

***The above is subject to change as this series expands***

 

Emotional Intelligence in The Skilled Trades

 

In Leadership and The Art of Intentionality, I recalled a story where my perspective on leadership differed from everyone else in a class I’d taken – primarily because I was the only one with a blue-collar perspective. That difference of perspective may not be as pronounced with emotional intelligence – but there is a difference nonetheless.

The major reason is due to the more prominent task-oriented nature the trades have, along with those who comprise the trades themselves: rough around the edges and more likely to express their opinions. Many aren’t concerned with outbursts holding them back from climbing a corporate ladder; they are there to do a job. You need their skill and experience – a more equivalent exchange of goods and services is had – and this lends itself well to the often voluntary way many in the trades speak their mind.

What’s more, there isn’t anything really wrong with that, either. That type of environment allows a more genuine nature to thrive and flourish. With less holding people back, there is more to let go of – including what’s on your mind. It’s precisely this reason that leads me to speculate about leadership; namely, that the trades are more task-oriented, attract a different type of person, and ultimately a different type/style of leadership is necessary.

That included emotional intelligence and how we approach it.

That “genuine nature” I mentioned above? It brings out some interesting situations and scenarios that many in the office do not see. Some may see that as a disadvantage, especially those whose leadership styles are more easily adopted in an office setting.

But I see opportunity, instead.

The skilled trades provide a unique environment for an intentional leader to grow their EQ – let’s take a look.

 

Emotional Intelligence & Associated Skills

Task-focused, authentically driven, and situational in our approach is the foundation for this style.

As I mapped out this leadership series and expanded on The 4 Indispensable Qualities of a Leader, specific traits were identified originating from each quality. Listed here, then, are the skills I believe accompany (or, if you prefer, you obtain/develop from) emotional intelligence: Positivity, Empathy, Good Communication, Collaboration, Delegation, and Creativity.

The next article will explore these skills in more detail. For the remainder of this one, however, we will dig into more specifics of emotional intelligence.

 

Emotional Intelligence – It Starts With The Leader

 

It ALL starts with the leader – EVERY SINGLE BIT OF IT. This has always been true, and we really start to see why with this quality.

The reason?

You manage a process – but you lead people – and people are messy. When you add in emotions, coupled with the inability of many to control them (whether they can’t or simply won’t), you have a challenge on your hands.

If you do not manage your own emotions, however, you will reach your limit early on with others. Why should anyone listen to you if you can’t? The standard response is because they have to – but that is a poor reason for the aspiring leader. In fact, you would be no different than those who’ve come before you – and that bar is low.

You need to rise above that – and it begins with awareness.

 

Emotional Intelligence and Awareness

 

Self

Do you know how much emotional intelligence you have? Are you aware of just how important it really is? Have you taken the time to understand ways to increase the amount you have?

Once you understand that it starts with you – the leader – you must understand how much intelligence you have. There are ways to do this, and there’s no shortage of websites, periodicals, and gurus telling you how. A quick Google search of “emotional intelligence assessment” will tell you how many. Pick one (or numerous ones for a different flavor), answer the questions, and reflect on the results.

What’s important is that you are intentional about it. Once you are, you can get a good idea of where you are at, your strengths and weaknesses, where you can improve – all of the standard things you’d expect to see in an evaluation.

It doesn’t stop there, though. Once you know the above, you have a starting point. Intentionality at the wheel, you’ll start to see and evaluate others in a different light – and that’s a good thing.

 

Others

Whether at home or at work, you know those you are around; some better than others, mind you, but you can make a decent judgment based on your daily interactions.

Does someone appear to not be themselves? Do they seem more agitated, quicker to anger, shorter with others, venting more than usual?

Conversely, is someone quieter than they normally would be? Does someone seem withdrawn where they would normally be at the center of attention – or, at least, not actively seek to be alone?

For those who are married or have kids, you KNOW when your spouse or children are not themselves – when something’s bothering them. You are AWARE, and why wouldn’t you be? For the amount of time you spend with them – as well as their importance – you should know when they’re on and when they’re off.

The same applies to work. For many of us, we will spend enormous amounts of time with our coworkers. Breaking down the 24-hour day, we typically see 3 separate 8-hour periods: home/family, work, and sleep.

Yeah right.

Most of us do NOT sleep a full 8 hours, nor do we spend a full 8 hours with our families, either. Americans spend far more time at work than other countries – and whether you think that’s good or not (another article for another time), the reality is that we spend more time around our coworkers than anyone else. Therefore, we should know our coworkers.

And yet, for many of us, we do not know other people; or, put another way, many of us do not care.

Do you want to be a better leader in all aspects of your life? If you do, then you need to grow your emotional intelligence – and being aware of others is definitely a must.

 

Emotional Intelligence – Run TO Conflict, Not Away From It

 

Conflict can be minimized, it can be reduced, managed, and contained – but it cannot be eliminated. Conflict is a natural part of life. Moreover, this is true whether you are at home, work, or any other major setting in your life. People will have differences of opinions, different ways to do something, how they approach problems – this and more are all hallmarks of dealing with people.

Oh – and then there’s pride.

Pride is probably the most difficult to deal with – but deal with it you must (We will explore this in more detail with the next indispensable quality, humility).

When you intentionally grow your emotional intelligence, you don’t just raise your awareness of yourself and others – you use that awareness to resolve conflicts by running TO them. This is counterintuitive and goes against the grain for most people. What’s more, most people’s desire to avoid conflict gives them an excuse to let it fester and grow, resulting in a bigger problem than if you’d just taken care of it as soon as you knew about it.

The aspiring leader, however reluctant he may be in dealing with conflict, knows this is one of the best ways to grow their emotional intelligence. Conflicts are often seen as communication breakdowns and breeding grounds for animosity, but when we view them from the leader’s point of view, we begin to see them as opportunities to grow, instead.

Why?

Because we have to navigate through all of this, find a resolution, and still get the tasks done.

This is NOT easy, and I don’t pretend it is. But will it be worth it in the end? Absolutely.

 

Seek Feedback – Or At Least Don’t Shut It Down

 

Feedback is one of the most valuable things you can receive as a leader – the good and the bad. And in the skilled trades, we certainly know how to give it; just ask us. What’s more, we are exceptionally good at giving someone negative feedback.

Don’t shy from it, nor seek to shut it down. If you truly want to grow your emotional intelligence in the pursuit of being a genuine and authentic leader, remain open, steadfast, and willing to receive criticism. The effect this will have is more than you could hope for.

First, you’ll quickly develop a thicker skin, and when you are seeking to be an authentic leader, boy, oh boy, will you need it.

Second, once you begin receiving feedback, it’ll help you distinguish what’s genuine and what isn’t. There are a lot of noise makers in the workforce, and the trades seem to have been given more than most.

Third, your willingness to receive feedback (or at least not shutting it down) demonstrates a level of authenticity that WILL affect others. It will not be right away either; indeed, some will take longer than others – but this will have an effect many are completely unaware of.

Why?

Because it’s completely unnatural. People will expect you to yell, to shut them down, and to shout them out. They WANT you to escalate – it gives them a reason to act on their base instincts. But the aspiring leader knows better. Grow your emotional intelligence by being intentional in receiving feedback and doing the opposite of what others expect.

 

Spend Time Reflecting on Emotional Intelligence

 

There’s no easy way to say this, so I’ll be blunt, here: the leader seeking to grow his emotional intelligence will spend time reflecting on it. They will think about it more than many are comfortable admitting, actually. On their drive to and from work, they listen to podcasts. They contemplate how they’ve handled problems, personality conflicts, delegation (more on that in the next article), and the feedback they’ve received – in short, they analyze things. What did they do right, what went wrong, how could they improve, and what should they do next time something like that happens?

If you truly want to be more than a manager, more than a subpar and run-of-the-mill leader, you need to understand something, here: it WILL cost you something.

Perhaps the biggest cost is your time. Who wants to spend their time – driving to and from work, for example – thinking about work? Wouldn’t it be better to disengage, listen to music, and just mindlessly drive? What about when you’re at home, doing some of the mundane (cutting grass), or when you want to decompress (on the couch)?

I’m not saying that every free moment you have should be spent reflecting on emotional intelligence, but the intentionally authentic leader will find that his thoughts gravitate toward that more than most. He wants to be better. He wants to make a difference. He wants to change things. And reflecting on emotional intelligence allows someone to see where they are strong, weak, need to make changes, etc.

If you never reflect on it, your growth is anemic at best, but likely stagnant.

 

Emotional Intelligence and Mentoring

 

In keeping with the format, once you’ve developed an understanding of emotional intelligence, how to build it, wield it, and reflect on it – you should also pass it on to the next generation. One of the systemic problems today is a breakdown of the social compact and our reluctance to mentor. What makes this particularly distasteful is how many people have been mentored in the past but are not mentoring now.

This needs to end – and it needs to end immediately.

One of the reasons we have declined in numerous skills, including leadership, is our infatuation with outsourcing everything; offshoring our responsibility to some imaginary institution. This has been our operating model for decades, now. What are the results?

A sharp decline in leadership while simultaneously increasing complexity. Couple this with an institutional loss of experience and you have a recipe for disaster.

What we should be seeking to do – including every aspiring leader – is to be intentional about passing on what they’ve learned regarding emotional intelligence.

 

Developing Humility via Increased Emotional Intelligence

 

Once you’ve implemented the above and developed some emotional intelligence, the next quality to emerge is humility. Without robust EQ, humility is starved. That’s because our natural state is to be proud, arrogant, and dismissive of others. Properly developed emotional intelligence, however, considers not just your emotions and how you manage them, but also how you affect others. The decisions you make, your attitude, your empathy – all of these and more are critical in building robust humility.

Moreover, if you truly want to be an intentional, authentic, and genuine leader, you MUST possess humility. There are some who would say it’s an extension of EQ, but that isn’t quite right. You could still be aware of how your actions affect others and not care, look to manipulate others, or remain prideful. Arrogance and pride – a fitting description for many, today.

Humility, rightly understood, then, transcends emotional intelligence. It’s the next step, the next evolution, and overall, it’s more valuable, too. This is explored in more detail in Leadership and Humility.

 

Conclusion

 

With our foundation firmly built on The Art of Intentionality, our next stepping stone is Emotional Intelligence. With it, you are able to take your pursuit of leadership to the next level. You are not only able to control your own emotions, but you can begin to lead others more effectively. You can influence people, both directly and indirectly, through it. You’ll find that people’s perceptions about you are challenged, too.

It’s definitely worth pursuing, increasing, and fostering emotional intelligence.

Be intentional about it -and watch things change.

 

 

 

NOTE: This article is part 6 of a series on Leadership here at The Wealthy Ironworker

1. Leadership, Management, and The Skilled Trades
2. The 4 Indispensable Qualities of a Leader
3. Leadership and The Task-Oriented Trades
4. Situational Leadership and the Skilled Trades
5. Leadership and The Art of Intentionality
   1. Skills Developed From The Art of Intentionality
6. Leadership and Emotional Intelligence
   1. Skills Developed From Emotional Intelligence
7. Leadership and Humility
   1. Skills Developed From Humility
8. Leadership and Listening to Understand and Not to Respond
   1. Skills Developed From Listening to Understand and Not to Respond
9. Skills Developed Overall in the Leadership Process

***The above is subject to change as this series expands***

 

Be sure to subscribe 👇